The Tiger Situation

After the winter of media hibernation, Tiger Woods apologized for his rampant infidelity last week. Hacks, of the writing and of the golf variety, now get their turn to play judge, palm reader, and preacher. No one, it seems, is afraid to speak out when it comes to Tiger and his indiscretions. Already, there have been and will continue to be some pretty interesting takes on sports’ most famous apology.

Here’s one great viewpoint formed well ahead of Tiger’s press conference. This opinion began taking shape in feeble minds when Tiger’s harem seemed more like Charlie’s Angels than the Dirty Dozens. “Why is Tiger even apologizing? He is just doing what every man wishes he could do. He’s just talking because he wants to get more cheese from those sponsors.” This is great guy to have on your side, unless you’re building a rocket ship or trying to find a cure for cancer.

Some members of the media also began forming their opinions well before Tiger finally spoke. They complained, “If he doesn’t take any questions how can it be real apology?” This is like one of my jilted daughters saying about the other, “I don’t want her apology because she won’t mean it.” There may be some truth to these statements, but that’s not how anyone tries to raise their kids. The media guy who says this is also the one who complains that athletes make too much money. He also likes to take his son to autograph shows wearing an authentic replica player’s jersey.

Somewhere in the middle of this, someone interviews a celebrity for his/her opinion of the “Tiger Woods Situation.” This is of course not be confused with Jersey Shore’s The Situation. (Unfortunately, Because we create and come to adore our celebrities way too easily, The Situation is now officially qualified to comment on the Tiger Woods Situation). Celebrity plus microphone has never been a reliable recipe for brilliance, reason and/or morals. Again, See Jersey Shore. When the celebrity opinion rears appears on screen, it’s time to change the channel quickly. Very rarely is this actually insightful. Usually it’s like watching model trains run into each other. While the scene may entertain us briefly, you’re not really learning anything new and could have gone through the rest of your day without seeing it.

Other media members took this stance. “He bared his soul. He was vulnerable. I felt sorry for him.” It is amazing how “this guy” morphs himself into some licensed psychoanalyst and ordained pastor instantly just because he has an audience. This is the guy that also becomes a political hack every three and half years and tells us what is wrong with our country and which way we need to vote.

Of course, none of these positions matter. They are ridiculously predictable and tiresome to read, hear or see. I found myself thinking about much more important things over the weekend. Can we ever make it to church on time? Who should hit clean-up on our four, five and six year old youth baseball team? Why are their no bases on a baseball practice field? Can the U. S. hockey team really win a gold medal in Vancouver? What channel is MSNBC? Why did it take me 25 years to appreciate hot and sour soup?

Fact is, Tiger made his apology. Now comes the heavy lifting. He is just now lacing up his Nikes, his marathon course to decency t is about to start. And although it may not be fun for a hack like me to admit, this cliche is the best analysis: actions do speak louder than words. Good luck, Tiger.