In an effort to prepare sports fans for the World Cup (it’s a soccer tournament), here is everything you need to know.
People that drink foreign beers with names you can’t pronounce call it the World Cupa or the Worlda Cupa.
It is a soccer tournament, where men, usually very small but agile men, constantly nearly run into each other. Then, one guy flops on the ground as if bludgeoned by several invisible billy clubs simultaneously. Finally, said “victim” writhes on the ground like a grounded goldfish on a heated griddle. It looks a lot like Kobe Bryant trying to get a foul call he doesn’t deserve.
It is not being played in the U.S, somewhere else.
The Americans are in the tournament.
The Americans will not win the tournament.
Unlike football, basketball and hockey, the games don’t end when the clock hits 00:00. Injury time is added to the clock. (This is to account for delays created by the flopping goldfish on the pitch). A pitch is what those people call a soccer field. Only, the referees know when the game really ends. Apparently, soccer is the sport that technology forgot.
Soccer is Ultimate Frisbee all growed up. You could even say it one of the best Active Lifestyle Activities.
Pele retired from Worlda Cupa play a few years ago.
My soccer playing daughter will ask her coach to sit on the couch and watch a match. Her coach will gladly put down what he is doing, grab a Budweiser and enthusiastically cheer for the Yanks.
Sports fans: please leave a comment on what dire circumstance could force you to watch an entire “match.” Soccer fans: don’t even bother.
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WOW! As a sports fan, surely you can appreciate the things in soccer that make it exciting! The players' athleticism, the precise placement of that ball right where they want it to land, and the pressure the goalie must feel every time they get within range. I can't decide if this is your true opinion of soccer or just you finding it easier to write a blog if you take that stance....hmmm....
ReplyDeleteOh, Tammy. I'm just having some fun. I played soccer as a kid and have been an assisstant coach for 4 seasons, going on five.
ReplyDeleteAs Americans, I do think many of us lose interest in "the soccer" as we become adults for many reasons. It isn't "cool." ESPN is just now programming and promoting soccer. Our parents and grandparents did not take us to games and buy us cotton candy. We are just now achieving a pattern of success, etc.
ESPN's over the top commitment to the World Cup, and the success of the U. S. will really make soccer a much higher profile sport between now and 2014.
Get ready for more soccer.