War Of Words

Political correctness continues to hamper the evolution of our society. There is no doubt about that, consider this more of a statement of fact than a value judgment. Public opinion does not allow us to say skinny or fat, carnivores with opposable thumbs may be the real endangered species. For a nation that prides itself on the value of free speech, we make people pay dearly for simply speaking their mind. Three years ago, the mainstream didn’t give George W. a break, now many think B-O stinks. We should look in the mirror, but be fearful of what we may see.


Consider how we judge athletes and coaches for using war references. This fall, University of Tennessee head football coach Derek Dooley was raked over the electronic coals for his “faux pas,” a reference to allied forces landing at Normandy. He compared his team’s lack of preparedness to the Germans on D-Day. It would have been one thing if he compared his team to genocidal marauders that were swallowing weaker nations earlier in World War II. But, that was not where he was going. To paraphrase Dooley, he said, “Basically we stand around (on the football field) waiting to get our butts kicked.”

Some of the instant-judge-and-jury-crowd found this his unacceptable. Oddly, and hypocritically enough, most of that group wouldn’t think twice about this conversation.

“Did you seethe bowl game over the weekend? It was a shoot-out.”

“Which one?”

“I’m not sure. With all the bowl games out there, I get the names confused now-a-days. I think it was the Military Bowl Presented By Northrop Grumman or the Bell Helicopter Armed Forces Bowl. Anyway, it was Michigan State versus Hawaii.

“Is that coach still at Hawaii with the crazy offense.”

“You’re thinking of June Jones the old Falcons coach and his Red Gun passing attack.”

“Exactly. So, it was Spartans versus Warriors. I bet Michigan State annihilated them. That’s almost like when the Harlem Globetrotters play their mythical opponent, the Generals. Those guys are battle tested from playing in the Big Ten Conference. Their big offensive linemen really help their rushing game.”

“Well, your part right. They did win in the trenches, they really pushed Hawaii around.”

“So Hawaii won?”

“Yeah, in the second half, they went to the shot-gun formation. That really neutralized the Spartans blitz. Then, the quarterback got really hot; one pass would be a quick strike over the middle. Then, he would launch a bomb on the next play. Still, it came down to the final minutes.”

“It wasn’t decided by a kicker was it?’

“Yep, a weird couple of plays at the end. I thought it might go into one of those sudden death overtime situations, but Hawaii got excellent field position when they were returning a punt. One of Michigan State’s gunners got called for a personal foul, and it put Hawaii in field goal range, barely. They ran out the clock with a couple of sneaks. Then, the kicker made a last second field goal. Dude has some long range.”

“Oh, I remember hearing about that guy, he’s from Europe right? His dad was a famous soccer player?”

“That’s right he played striker for Arsenal in the English Premier League…”

“Well, those bowl games don’t really matter to us, we’re Auburn fans.”

“True that. War Eagle.”


The defense rests. Lighten up. Don’t be the judge and the jury, just enjoy the games. That’s what they are, games.

Is Alabama's Nick Saban Cowboys Material?

The Dallas Cowboys are suffering through the most disappointing season in NFL history. The team won’t make the play-offs and their franchise quarterback is on the shelf, most likely for the entire season. Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones frustration will grow into more and more inglorious embarrassment in the days leading up to the Superbowl because he and his beautiful stadium/museum/corporate events facility/billboard are hosting Suprbowl XLV.

And yeah, Jones’ head coach is losing control and respect like the democrats lost seats in the U. S. House of Representatives.

Unfortunately for Alabama fans, head coach Nick Saban will be mentioned for the Cowboys job from now until Wade Phillips’ successor is named. Even worse, Saban in Texas makes sense for a lot of reasons.
Saban is already on the radar in Big D, and Dallas’ pain is temporary. Jerry Jones has three rings and will get more. The questions are simply “How much will it cost him?” and “When?” For a job like this, there can only be so many swimmers in the candidate pool. How many men on earth could really fill out a application for this job? Consider the short list of available, worthy pro candidates, Bill Cowher, John Gruden and the NFL list of available coaches starts getting watered down pretty quickly from here. Now consider the best coaches in colleges with experience as an NFL assistant and head coach. What’s the first name to pop into your mind? If you say Iowa’s Kirk Ferentz, stop reading this and put yourself in time-out.

Saban will never be Bear Bryant. Never, not in the hearts of the Alabama faithful. We all know this. The most beloved and respected man in Alabama is six feet under. You can’t compete with that. Hell, Saban can’t be the most adored coach in Tuscaloosa, why shouldn’t he head to the big city.

Speaking of the big city, spend a minute thinking about opportunities for the coach’s wife kids and grandkids in Tuscaloosa versus Dallas. No contest. And despite how generous Alabama has been paying Saban, here is no salary cap for head coaches in the NFL. With the head coaching position, a contract offer from Jones would be un-capped.

There is also a logical connection between Dallas and Alabama. The Bear was an Arkansas native. Jerry Jones was a captain on the lone Arkansas national champion team in 1960. Of course, now Arkansas plays in the SEC west, and Jones now gets the displeasure of watching the Crimson Tide beat his Razorbacks annually. Hiring Nick Saban could actually improve the records of Jerra’s two favorite teams. (If Jones were crazy enough to try to lure Arkansas’ Bobby Petrino back into the league that could hurt his two favorite teams).

Personality wise there is a fit, also. Wade Phillips is laid-back, a true player’s coach. The problem is the players aren’t playing well. When most coaching changes are made the organized, detail oriented task master replaces the jolly guy with his feet up on the desk.

Saban has unfinished business in the NFL. When he left LSU for the Miami Dolphins in 2005, he had not won a college national championship. Now he has, but he has not won a Superbowl. Alpha-males and short guys love challenges. Back in the recesses of his brain Saban has to ask himself, “Could I?”

There are plenty of reasons why Nick Saban may not want the Cowboys job, and plenty of reasons why jerry Jones may not want him. But if you think the phone lines are not and will not be connecting Dallas and Tuscaloosa, then you probably don’t have much respect for Auburn's Cam Newton either.

Ten Things That Will Keep a Youth League Coach up at Night

Coaching kids is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get. That said, following are ten events (for better or worse) that will make a coach do more than just shake his head.

 

1. A boy’s first hit in a baseball game. We’re not talking t-ball, baseball.

2. Girls with long hair showing up to soccer practice without a ponytail, braids etc.

3. Even worse, the dreaded “Sillybandz."

4. Kids running cross country on trails …in “Crocs.”

5. Having six assistant coaches for a five and six year old baseball team and one assistant coach for a seven and eight year old softball team.

6. Watching a girl throw like a boy.

7. Telling a player to run to second base while the second baseman is waiting with the baseball. That’s a helpless feeling. What’s more helpless? When it is your kid.

8. Getting called “Dude” by a seven year old.

9. Watching the first spiral or made free throw.

 10. Winning a game that you never thought was possible.
 To repeat my favorite line from The Untouchables: “Somethings we laugh because there funny, Somethings we laugh because there true.

Hypothetically Speaking

Here’s a hypothetical scenario for you.


Let’s just say that you, your kids and your spouse (unless you happen to be Susan Sarandon) hop in the SUV and head on over to the Grandpa’s house weekly for Sunday breakfast/ brunch. Let’s also say that there is a guy hanging out there that the kids call “Uncle.” The kids like this guy, the Uncle character. Uncle never criticizes the kids and is quick to make a funny joke if you happen to get on to your kids a little bit. Uncle is also inclined to let your kids have a little more than their fair share of bacon, from time to time. It’s an easy way to buy some loyalty


As parents, you clearly see what is happening routinely but generally ignore the situation … then comes that fateful day. While you are truly oblivious to goings-on, the Uncle gives the bacon on your plate to one of the kids. The kid, not being mature enough to really make his own decision and not wanting to look un-cool in front of the Uncle, happily enjoys the bacon.


Hypothetically, let’s say this is how you choose to be the heavy and handle the situation. You ignore the Uncle character, put the boy in “time-out” for half an hour and make him take money out of his piggy bank and buy you a pound of bacon. (Yes, it is a little ironic twist that the bacon money comes out of piggy bank).


In the real world you and significant other probably wouldn’t handle this situation that way. Unless, the two of you act in a manner similar to the NCAA’s football Lords of Discipline. This, however, is exactly, not hypothetically, how the college athletic policymakers are handling this fall’s agent-gate and specifically, the strange case of the University of Georgia’s consensus pre-season All-American wide receiver, A. J. Green.


Green sold a Liberty Bowl jersey from last year’s bowl game to a pro football agent or one of his associates. The NCAA is not pressuring the agent. Instead, the brain trust is making Green donate his proceeds to a charity and sit four games … four games. (On a side note: all this is for a Liberty Bowl jersey. Georgia fans must be cringing every time they hear that). This severe punishment is clearly a case of the parent not taking the proper action to solve the problem. The guys in suits penalize the kid and fail to confront the instigator. The NCAA is clearly making Green pay far more retribution than he received benefit, way more. They do not have the fortitude to address an uncomfortable situation, so they end up going way overboard in the wrong direction.


Unfortunately, these types of scenarios do happen, and happen quite often. Why? Because college football is so profitable for the NCAA and is the minor leagues of the NFL. Remember, high school football players can not advance to the NFL after just one year out of high school like the NBA. For football, the rule is three years. Coincidentally, Green is in his third fall away from high school. He is projected to be a top-ten pick in 2011 NFL Draft.


This is the type of thing that makes you hope for the advancement of super conferences and a possible secession of football from the NCAA umbrella. It could happen. After all, the south is no stranger to the word secession.

Oh, and son, “You better never, ever take bacon off my plate, or you will pay.”

Ten Observations/ Predictions from the Sports World

Please read the following observations/ predictions from the world of sports. You’re welcome for the clarity.

The Indianapolis Colts are 0-3 in the NFL pre-season. This gives them four wins versus 21 losses dating back to 2005. This proves the pre-season records mean nothing because the Colts have averaged 13 wins over the same regular seasons. Oh, and they won a Super Bowl.

Nick Saban will eventually leave the University of Alabama for another coaching job.

The NFL is the king of sports, and college football rules the south, but high school football is the best value for the Everyfan.

No American male will advance to the semis-finals of the 2010 U. S Open.

Pitcher Andy Petite is the key to the New York Yankees post-season and Roger Clemens federal indictment for his role in the performance enhancing drug saga.

The World Basketball Championships are currently under way in Turkey. You may not have known this, or even cared. This lack of story proves that the “Lebron James Decision” was good for the NBA in the vein of “any publicity is good publicity.”

Major League Baseball is on a roll right now. Clemens’ issues with telling the truth and letting guys inject drugs into his backside, has a fantastic reality television feel that is attractive to mainstream viewers and readers. Also, there are great story lines emerging as the play-offs approach. Small market and small budget teams like San Diego and Tampa Bay are leading their divisions. And lastly, The Yankees are still relevant.

Golf’s Ryder Cup is the premier all-star contest in professional sports. Tiger Woods is the world’s best golfer. Still, he has been fighting to make the U. S. Ryder Cup team. (He will make it). Golfers are the only athletes care so much about these exhibitions. That’s why we should be interested.

The NFL will go to an eighteen team schedule next season. Rosters will expand. Teams will carry four quarterbacks. Some teams will take this opportunity to “carry” an unconventional or “Wildcat” quarterback.

Every guy driving a Smart Car has a beard? It’s true. This may not be related all that closely to sports, but it is true. Think about it.

Slingshots and Salaries

We all know football season is right around the corner because Brett Farve has decided to changed his “I am retired, or I might be retired” Facebook status and lace up his cleats. As a country, we anxiously await the start of the football season, but take a look at what is going on the fields of what used to be America’s pastime, baseball.


For the first time in recent memory, every division in Major League Baseball has close races between the top two teams. Most years there are a couple of good division races and the wild card races to keep fans interested. Not this year. The 2010 season is playing out like a series of David versus Goliath duels from coast to coast. And, David, with his dollar store slingshot, is beating up on ole Goliath.

Every division leader in MLB has a smaller payroll than the second place team. (The payroll numbers used for this article are from the AP and are pre-trade deadline. Historically, every team in a pennant race will increase their budgets when making trades in July and August). In the National League West, the Padres lead the Giants (hence the appropriate Goliath reference). This is despite the MLB’s second smallest payroll. The Padres are paying their players only slightly more than one third of the Giants combined salaries of at least $97,828,833. Same in the AL East, the Yankees are spending $206,333,389 + on their major league roster. This is the most in the majors. Yet, they trail the Rays (ae least $71,923,471) in the standings by virtue of the results of their head-to-head match-ups.

The list goes on, the Braves are spending the 15th most money but lead the Phillies, fourth in payroll by a couple games. The Rangers just left bankruptcy court room last week but lead the Los Angeles Angels in the AL West. The Reds are leading the Cardinals, and the small market Twins are ahead of the White Sox. This is not saying that parity has arrived in big league cities … it hasn’t. The penurious Pirates, Athletics, Diamondbacks are getting what they pay for in relative terms, not many wins. Some things just don’t change or at least change quickly.

Oddly enough great pennant races are shaping up in the one sport without a salary cap. Remember, the NFL’s “uncapped year” is a Haley’s Comet type situation. Don’t count on seeing it again in your lifetime. So, forgive me for saying this. Don’t get out the pompoms just yet. Buy more peanuts and more Cracker Jack. It’s time to take another look at baseball and cheer for the little guy.

Ten Reasons Why Americans Love Football:

1. We are the best at football.  No other country comes close to us.  We own football like we own proceesed lunch meat, Disney World, neck tattoos and Beyonce.
 
2. It’s violent. Who ever  watched “The Sopranos” or any Arnold Schwarzenegger movie for the acting.

3. Little kids look funny playing football.  Kids play tackle football in full pads at five and six years old. Have you seen a live 3 ½ foot bobble head try to run sixty yards with 21 other bobble heads in hot pursuit? That’s funny.
 
4. It's appointment television. Our commitment is manageable. You know when (and where) to find games on your television.  Games are either in prime time or on the weekend. If you want to be a casual fan, it's easy.  You don’t have to keep up with football everyday through 80 plus, or even 160 plus games like other sports.


5. It’s appointment gambling and for some, it’s a manageable vice … if you want it to be. And yes, fantasy football is also a form of gambling.  Then, again so is paying taxes via buying lottery tickets.

6. The players look like superheroes. Do you really want to see C. C. Sabathia or Shaquille O’Neal without a shirt? Adrian Petersen is a walking anatomy lesson. And even the fat guys on the offensive line look cool when they put on twenty-something pounds of space age kevlar, impact resisting body armor.

7. Football players are Americans, and they speak English.  The athletes and coaches are predominately Americans. This is not so true in baseball, hockey and lately basketball with the globalization of the NBA. We don't need a translator for football. (Although sometimes, subtitles would be nice).

8. Kickers. They really don’t fit in with everybody else. They are lees than pint-size, and they don’t practice with the team.  These hummels only play for a few seconds every game, yet their success is critical to the outcome of every close game. We either jeer them like the nerdy kid with one entire hand up his nose, or we celebrate them like the guy (not Al Gore) who created the interweb.

9. The Super Bowl. You can lose yourself, and your interest and your girlfriend in the legnthy baseball or basketball play-offs.  It doesn't make sense to come off a the beach sunburnt and browse sixty channells to find a second round NBA play-off gamre.  Then, there is the soccer.  Even if  soccer were  a very minor part of the American sports fan’s consciousness, we still could not tolerate the vuvuzelas and the World Cup every year. Finally, golf and NASCAR are not even clearly sports to the guy making dents in his couch every weekend, and the PGA and Cup play-offs are about as manufactured yet inconsistent as a fast food value menu.

10. Ask any coming of age high school boy, and he will tell you … cheerleaders.

 

Did I leave something off the list? Post a comment and let me know.  Also, please check out my SEC football posts at:
Sean Conway on 2010 University of Tennessee Football
Sean Conway on 2010 University of South Carolina Football