Because Real Men Don't Send e-vites to College Football Websites

As noted here very recently, I am now writing columns on college football in addition to this site.  Currently, I am contributing to www.chuckoliver.net  The posting will be more than once a week each on the University of Tennessee and University of South Carolina programs.  These posts will not update the latest injury to a freshman  linebacker, the recritment of a high school sophmore, or likely predict a undefeated seasons for either program.  They will provide researched opinions in a readable, unbiased and most importantly, from a slightly off-beat perspective. The link to the Univeristy of Tennessee Volunteers is: Sean Conway's 2010 Columns on Tennessee Volunteer Football.  The link to the South Carolina Gamecocks is: Sean Conway's 2010 Columns on South Carolina Gamecock Football. 

There will also be other contributors on each page. If you take a look, you may read an article by another contributor before you actually scroll down to my latest.  I have wriiten two columns on each program already.  Please also take a look at the entire site to read news and columns on your favorite SEC, ACC or C-USA team.

Thanks, and I would love to hear/read what you think. 


Sean

Notes From a Delinquent Writer

Notes If you are a member of the few, the (hopefully) proud, followers of this site: I’m sorry. Hopefully, I can reward your loyalty with some … thing. Here are some observations from the summer of 2010, as defined by the Cobb County (GA) School Calendar.

The Lebron Thing

Lebron James did the right thing for his “brand” when he held his press conference announcing his exodus from Cleveland on ESPN. He went to a pre-packaged All-Star team in the Miami Heat and made his “decision” a prime time spectacle. Lebron will win championships in Miami. People will forget the ESPN special. We will remember the highlights and the ad campaigns to come. Accountants and salespeople at Nike and the NBA were ecstatic. The “LBJ Decision ’10” drew a bigger audience than the prime-time NBA and NFL drafts. The show received higher rating s than any NBA play-off game before the finals. That’s good pub and good business. Like it or not, the The King is selling more and more shoes for Nike across the globe.

Not since “Must-See-TV,” has Thursday night programming garnered so much attention. Yes, the mainstream media crapped on it. Why? Because it was staged. The media was virtually ignored and certainly devalued, ESPN decided to chase ratings, credibility be damned. By the way, Jim Gray was the perfect moderator/ table setter for the one hour special. With a guy of Gray’s stature, ESPN and Lebron’s handlers did not even need to buy heavy duty the puppet strings. Just like with the Tiger Woods mea culpa months ago, the mainstream media was unnecessary and practically uninvited. Talking heads and beat writers were virtually ignored. They got their feelings hurt and cried like a kid that just lost his play date. Lebron James (the person) may have taken a little hit incredibility, but the Lebron James brand did not. His sponsors, the NBA and ESPN quietly loved it. Do you think Nike execs would have said, “Lebron, you really shouldn’t have brought so much attention to basketball in the middle of summer?”

The Kid Baseball Thing

Some six year olds can play baseball all summer anywhere, anytime. Parents should not encourage every six year old to play baseball anywhere, anytime.

The Kid Baseball Thing and Just Plain Good Baseball

If your team makes three errors in an inning it will hurt the ballclub. It doesn’t matter if the boys are six going on seven or twenty-six going on twenty-seven.

The Ozzie Guillen Thing

Ozzie Guillen is a lot like Charles Barkley. Some of the stuff those two say is dead-on. Often, they say what needs to be said. Other times, their musings are misguided at best. Should Charles Barkley have really talked about running for governor before he was a registered voter? On Ozzie’s latest rant, yes, Latin baseball players are treated differently than the Asian players. What Guillen chooses to forget is that the Latin players will do anything (including fake their age) to become a part of the baseball fraternity and escape the economics of Central America.

Some of these kids do learn to play baseball with yesterday’s tree limbs as bats and make-shift baseballs. These Latin players are almost always teenagers are more than happy to be paid to train on immaculate fields, receive state of the art coaching, buffet meals and live in air conditioned dormitories for the opportunity to play minor league baseball in the U. S. These players are not ready to play at the Major league level without the training and tutoring provided by MLB clubs.

Then there are the Cuban ballplayers which Ozzie chooses to forget. The Cubans are also Latin ballplayers. They are treated very similarly to the Asians because they are generally not available and desirable to the Major League teams until they are in their twenties and polished ballplayers. (Why spend money on someone too young, too raw, or too scared to defect a communist country). I have advanced well past my twenties (chronologically) and still would have second thoughts about defecting out of any foreign country. So, once the Cubans escape the Castro thing, they are more equipped to have their Miami-based agents (sweeping generalization) get them their money.

Finally, this blog will continue with more frequent, but equally, sanguine posts. Thank you very much for reading and commenting. The updates this fall will most likely be more digestible (shorter) moving forward. In the next days or week, there will be news about my new assignments writing about the religion of the south, SEC football.

One-Sided

The American side (that means team in soccer) just defeated Algiers (it’s a country) in the World Cup. This year it happens to be the World Cup of soccer (not Quidditch). Usually I derive great pleasure in bashing soccer partially because bashing soccer happens to be ridiculously easy. Today, the creating the barbs is not nearly as much fun.. The only electronic jabs from me will be limited, insightful and necessary. For example, doesn’t the American coach, Bob Bradley, look like the miniature love child of Cal Ripken Jr. and Ed Harris?

The novice soccer fan can learn a lot and truly appreciate the Yanks thrilling 1-0 victory thanks to Landon Donovan’s goal. With the win the Americans won their group and advance to the Knockout-Stage of the tournament.

Soccer at the highest level can be exciting. The game may not necessarily be exhilarating if it is a played between 8 year old girls at the “Y” on Saturdays. (I know because believe it or not, I gladly help coach 8 year old girls at the “Y” on Saturdays). But, when your country, assuming you are not a “global citizen,” wins in the final moments of any competition, it is a very excellent event.

These guys are fantastic athletes. Personally, I think they look like gymnasts without the upper body muscles. Sorry. Seriously, the foot-eye coordination of these guys is amazing. Add in that these guys are in perpetual motion, and it is remarkable they can control and power the ball so skillfully. That said soccer fan, I actually watched the second half while running six miles on a treadmill, and those guys are not sprinting for the entire time. Nonetheless, these guys are ridiculously fit and athletic.

Clearly, it is not baseball or football in this regard, but good decisions have to be made quickly and often by the coaches and players. I was surprised and very interested to really watch how the goalkeepers influence setting up the offensive “runs” with their kicks and throws. American keeper (goalie) Tim Howard really helped the Yanks start the pressure on several runs.

Foreign analysts are pretty cool. These guys convey passion without Chris Berman-like shtick. They are also willing to criticize and then, move forward. Luckily, soccer’s movement doesn’t lend it self to dwelling on minutia for extended periods of time.

On somewhat of a side note, guess who really won the game … Barak Obama. Seriously, he needed this more than our country did. Maybe that guy can stay out of the oil disaster and insubordinate general headlines for a day. And, isn’t karma a bitch? The last minute U. S. victory catipulted the U. S. over the English “side” to take Group C. Take that BP. It’s just more proof that God loves us more.

On somewhat of a side note part two, do you know why Bill Clinton was at the match? He heard that they were giving away free vuvuzelas. Sorry, could help it.

That is about as nice as I can be. Here are some unabashed observations from an unabashed American.

The flopping is a problem; thankfully the Americans weren’t as good at flopping as the sometimes untouched Algerians.

Even I can not pretend to be so arrogant as to claim to know how hard their job is, but the referees really miss a lot of the correct calls. Much like over the weekend, the referees wrongly redacted a goal from the Americans.


The lack of scoring really is a problem. While it was clear the American were the better team today, they needed “extra time” or “injury time” to score the game’s only goal. Had the U. S. not scored today, they would not have been one of the top two teams in their four team group. They would have gone undefeated in three games but still not advanced. That may be soccer, but it is truly stupid.

Today’s victory does teach America a few things. Soccer can be exciting. It is more fun to win than it is to lose … or draw. (That means tie in soccer). Some Americans do love the soccer, and thankfully, we are pretty good at the game.

The World Cupa

In an effort to prepare sports fans for the World Cup (it’s a soccer tournament), here is everything you need to know.
People that drink foreign beers with names you can’t pronounce call it the World Cupa or the Worlda Cupa.

It is a soccer tournament, where men, usually very small but agile men, constantly nearly run into each other. Then, one guy flops on the ground as if bludgeoned by several invisible billy clubs simultaneously. Finally, said “victim” writhes on the ground like a grounded goldfish on a heated griddle. It looks a lot like Kobe Bryant trying to get a foul call he doesn’t deserve.


It is not being played in the U.S, somewhere else.


The Americans are in the tournament.


The Americans will not win the tournament.


Unlike football, basketball and hockey, the games don’t end when the clock hits 00:00. Injury time is added to the clock. (This is to account for delays created by the flopping goldfish on the pitch). A pitch is what those people call a soccer field. Only, the referees know when the game really ends. Apparently, soccer is the sport that technology forgot.


Soccer is Ultimate Frisbee all growed up. You could even say it one of the best Active Lifestyle Activities.

ESPN will inform you of whatever else you need to know about the “Worlda Cupa” on one of their many “platforms.” In case you haven’t noticed, the sports media uber-giant is expanding its soccer content. It is painfully obvious because they often interrupt the “Top Nine Plays in Sports” to add a soccer “highlight” on SportsCenter.

Pele retired from Worlda Cupa play a few years ago.


My soccer playing daughter will ask her coach to sit on the couch and watch a match. Her coach will gladly put down what he is doing, grab a Budweiser and enthusiastically cheer for the Yanks.


Sports fans: please leave a comment on what dire circumstance could force you to watch an entire “match.” Soccer fans: don’t even bother.

The Most Interesting Man in the World

The Most Interesting Man in the World owns a 200 plus foot yacht … And, he has no idea where it is.

 When The Most Interesting Man in the World jet skis, rock music plays in the background and camera crews film his flips, twists and 360s.

When The Most Interesting Man in the World imported “eight models” into a French ski resort called Courchevel and was arrested … The French police later apologized.

 The Most Interesting Man in the World allegedly staged his own $10 million island wedding … just to win a bet. Even if there was no wedding, The Most interesting Man in the World threw one helluva party.

 The Most Interesting Man in the World receives Special Forces automatic weapons like you receive mail orders from J. Crew.

 When not jet skiing, The Most Interesting Man in the World can dunk a basketball and likes to kick-box.

  The Most Interesting Man in the World has a blog … but does not know how to type and doesn’t own a PC. He does not even own a cell phone.

 The Most Interesting Man in the World “dines” with Jay-Z in Manhattan’s 40-40 club.

  The Most Interesting Man in the World is an owner of one of the world’s largest gold mining companies.

  The Most Interesting Man in the World says things like, “I think women make the same mistake with me all the time. The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." And, "I've never lost my cool. Even in love affairs. If you have Plan B and Plan C, you are all the time relaxed."

The Most Interesting Man in the World is Russian uber-magnate Mikhail Prokhorov. Last week he bought the 80 % of the NBA’s New Jersey (soon to be Brooklyn) Nets.  Prokhorov is one of the two most successful Pioneers in Russia’s transition into capitalism and the free market. His estimated wealth is between $13-18 million. How did he get his start? He created a business selling stone washed jeans. How great is that? He helped usher capitalism and stone washed jeans into the former U.S.S.R. Through various successes, “loans,” “auctions” and seemingly nefarious power deals, he has accumulated ridiculous wealth well in advance of his 45 th birthday. On his rise to ridiculous wealth Prokhorov said, "I do not want to reveal all my secrets.''

The current NBA storyline in the NBA is obviously the play-offs. This summer, the buzz will surround the Lebron James Sweepstakes. In the very near future, the NBA has the unlimited potential for global intrigue in complete with a Russian accent and hopefully plenty of "How does one say..." and "In my country..."

All of the above appears to be true. His bio is confirmed by sources other than Wikipedia, and his jet ski video and 60 Minutes interview are on YouTube. Now, a foreigner from a formerly communist block world power owns a sports property in the world’s greatest sports and media market. He goes to discotheques where he chews gum and dances awkwardly with Tiger Woods type “models.” The NBA season sometimes so long that pre-season practically starts before the previous year’s conference finals adjourn. But, thanks to a Russian with Ivan Drago’s height, hair and mettle, the NBA will live up to the old Madison Ave slogan. It’s going to be Fan-tastic.

Dear Baseball Parents

Dear Parents,


As our season winds down, we should all appreciate the improvement in the team. All of the ballplayers, from the first-timers to the grizzled six year old veterans, have improved tremendously. If we look at the wrong time, we may have seen an easy or routine ground ball going right under the shortstops legs. We may have noticed some swings that still need a little “refinement,” and that’s okay.


It’s time to appreciate the boys for the athletes they are today, and the athletes they are becoming. They are works in progress, and it’s an upward trend. As much as we may hope or daydream, there is little chance that any of our little Brian McCanns will ever make a living playing ball. Judging from the conversations I overheard, we are more likely raising rocket scientists, or at least science fiction authors. When the coaches would yell, “Baseball ready,” sometimes the team looked ready, like the ’27 Yankees. Sometimes, the team was scanning the horizon for a possible Deathstar or Millennium Falcon. Let’s keep both memories. If any of our boys don’t go into the aerospace industry, horticulture is a safe bet.

As a coach and dad, I will keep every memory. I will remember proudly the swings that were once tomahawk chops, the dashes down the first base line that were like a sailor wandering back to the ship, the dives for balls way out of reach, and the pop-ups that were caught later in the season, rather than ignored just a couple months ago.

Sometimes a coach can’t see all the camaraderie these boys building, but it could always be heard. It will probably be August (and the start of another baseball season) before the coaches stop hearing the echoes of “Come on baby, Burn it up” from the dugout.

Up and down the line-up, there is improvement in every boy. It’s obvious in the way they ran and played, in the way they became listeners, and in the way they became friends.

Congratulations parents and thanks for sharing.

Nike's Hole In One

Last week Phil Knight and his team of geniuses at Nike hit a hole in one with their controversial new Tiger Woods commercial. The ad was released just a day before Tiger’s return to competitive golf at The Masters. It features the voice of the (the subterranean) Earl Woods admonishing his son, Tiger. Everyone in the pop culture world, not just the sports world, was discussing the effect of the somber father rebuking his son for getting caught with his “hands” in the metaphorical cookie jar.

Warm fuzzzies be damned, the ad was brilliant. It dominated conversation on the eve and throughout all of Masters Week. Immediately the media focus shifted away from Tiger’s transgressions, as well as his return to competitive golf, and onto the advertisement itself. The subsequent discussions became an unbuyable amount of Nike publicity and chatter on TV, radio, internet, around the water cooler and at Starbucks. In fact the commercial and Tiger’s excellent performance, literal and hopefully not figurative, in Augusta has essentially shut the door on the revelations that stemmed from the “Thanksgiving Night Massacre.” Of course, that door is neither hermitically sealed nor dead-bolted, but it is at least temporarily closed.

In a conversation while watching the final round of the Masters, a friend complained to me, “Nike should not have done that. They should not have taken Earl Woods’ voice from some secret vault and made Tiger look so bad.” (The recorded quotes are actually from a recording of Earl speaking to/about Tiger’s mother, Tilda, in 2004). My friend was not taking an unreasonable position. Nor is the position of “Thank God, Nike put the cheater in his place,” unreasonable. So why did Nike “Just Do It?” Because Nike could. Because Tiger Woods, while inseparable from Nike Golf, is no longer the “boss” of Nike Golf.

Even with his admitted confessions, a vulnerable Tiger is hard to fathom. Nike Golf and Tiger enjoyed a meteoric, symbiotic rise in the sports world. He became the company’s pitchman when he was just 20 years old, way back in 1996, before Nike was really in the golf business. Essentially, Tiger Woods built Nike Golf.

Quickly, as each entity rose to prominence, the brands Nike Golf and Tiger Woods became co-dependent and inseparable. It is impossible to visualize the golfer without the swoosh and the swoosh without the golfer. Just take a look at Tiger on the course. Unlike other players on the PGA Tour, he does not bedazzle his wardrobe like the front quarter panel of a NASCAR vehicle. When you see Phil Mickelson, he has KPMG, Callaway and Barclays all over his “quarter panels.” The only logos on Tiger are simply Nike, be it the famous swoosh or his private label TW trademark. During tournament coverage, he has never been swathed with a Gatorade lightning bolt, or a Buick crest. Furthermore, Tiger’s equipment is also predominately Nike. While other players may play a Titleist ball with Callaway clubs, Woods hits a Nike ball with Nike clubs while wearing a Nike glove, a Nike shirt, a Nike hat, a Nike belt...

The relationship has been mutually and ridiculously profitable. Despite a slumping economy for luxury goods like golf equipment, Nike’s golf sales are over $680 million annually and maintain a huge slice of the golf equipment and apparel pie. For his endorsements and influence, Nike pays Tiger upwards of $20 million a year. If under any circumstance, Tiger left Nike and became a front man for Callaway or Ping, Nike would have to recreate the entire brand. To reposition (hip Madison Avenue terminology), would take a lot more than a few kitschy thirty second spots during the John Deere Classic.

More than the golf icon’s carnal relationships changed in the aftermath of the Thanksgiving Night Massacre. (In review, Tiger’s grill allegedly stopped a Nike Golf club swung by his wife Elin, and moments later, a palm tree and/or fire hydrant stopped the grill of the Woods’ family Escalade). It was at exactly that instant that Phil Knight and his Nike geniuses started to become the boss of the relationship again, and Tiger became the submissive employee. (And, if you read and believe some of Tiger’s mistresses leaked texts, Tiger being submissive is really ironic). Capturing the moment, Nike flexed its muscle (figurative again) and quickly produced the spot that completed the fall from, “Tiger, you da man,” to Tiger demeaned.

And, what will the ad do for sales? Whether consumers want a commercial that positions Tiger 2.0 in an even less appealing light, or consumers believe that Nike is being distasteful and manipulative, the ad is already serving its purpose: get the brand name in conversation and subsequently boost sales. Meanwhile, Nike Golf and Tiger Woods remain indivisible. No matter whose side you take, you are supporting Tiger Woods or Nike Golf. Therefore, you are supporting one in the same.

In golf, it’s all about execution, and Nike’s execution was brilliant. Like it or despise it, a golf fan’s appropriate response to the commercial is to offer up an understated golf-clap and say, “Nice shot.”